The Geriatric Winx Club!
by rogue-scholar07
Summary: AU and very OOC. The characters of the Winx Club have been thrown into a nursing home. No elderly people were harmed during the writing of this fanfiction. Any and all resemblances to any elderly people you may know are purely coincidental.
1. The Nudity Chapter

**DISCLAIMER:**** WARNING! This story is very AU and OOC. No elderly patrons were harmed during the writing of this fic. Any and all resemblance to an elderly person you know is purely coincidental. **

**Summary: All the characters of Winx crammed into an Elderly Care facility. What hilarity awaits us?**

**The Geriatric Winx Club!**

**1. The Nudity Chapter**

It was the Evening shift change at Restful Valley Elder Care Villiage, a small retirement/assisted living facility nestled into downtown Magix. Two nurses walked the halls, discussing the latest gossip.

"I tell you, Mirta, it's the latest thing!" Stella gushed excitedly. She was dressed in pink scrubs and had her long blond hair back in a braid. "You should totally go see this musical with me!"

Mirta, clad in all blue, smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Stel, but I'm busy during the day, and when I get home, I'm beat. There's no way I can find time to go do something like that right now!"

"Why you insist on working here every day, _including_ weekends, is beyond me!" Stella exclaimed. "Some of the residents here are downright weird!"

"Stella!" The red-head hissed. "Don't be so mean. They all have their redeeming qualities, if you get to know them."

"Whatever. I think they're strange." She said as a woman who had long dark green hair and wore green scrubs trotted to them.

"Lucy, what is it?" Mirta asked, looking at her friend.

"That darn old man is wandering again!" Lucy hissed, a teal-colored aura surrounding her.

"Whoa, chill out a minute and take a deep breath." Mirta said. "Which old man?"

"Which one usually does the nocturnal wanderings around here?" The witch said through clenched teeth. Stella groaned.

"Please tell me he has clothes this time!"

"I don't know!" Lucy exclaimed. "I just know I got paged, and his door was open."

As if on cue, an elderly man with graying near-black hair shuffled up to the trio. He wore a white shirt and socks, but nothing else.

"Mr. Avalon!" Stella blanched, turning away. "Oh Dragon, could you at _least_ leave your underwear on!"

"They're too tight." He said in a groggy voice. Lucy sighed, offering a pleading glance to Mirta. The shorter girl sighed.

"Come on, Mr. Avalon, let's go find you some boxers and get you back to bed! It's too late for you to be out of bed!"

"You sure this'll work?" Lucy whispered.

"If it doesn't, we can use a tranquilizer spell on him." The fairy winked.

* * *

THE NEXT DAY….

Stormy let out a groan as she approached room 84. Already the shouts from the two women who lived there were filtering through the halls. Darn old bats!

The only word for the chaos in that room was "scene". Griselda was stripped down to her undergarments, swinging her IV unit at Griffin. Griffin had a handful of puzzle pieces, which she threw toward the door.

"You should be ashamed! Disturbing my poor Missy!" Griffin shouted, smoothing the fur on her stuffed Cocker Spaniel. "You've scarred her for life!"

"You ruined my puzzle!" Griselda yelled back, still attempting to impale Griffin on the IV tree.

"Ladies." Stormy said as the two continued shouting. She rolled her eyes and shouted. "LADIES!" The two stopped mid-action and looked at the frizzy-haired nurse. "That's better. Griselda, put the IV down. Griffin, pick up the puzzle pieces."

"Yes, put some clothes on!" Griffin griped at Griselda.

"No! I don't like clothes!" Griselda said, reaching back for the hook on her bra.

"Don't you even!" Stormy ordered, stomping over to the gray-haired woman's bed. "You will keep you bra on and put your other clothes back on!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Don't argue."

"NO!" the old fairy shouted as the young witch restrained her wrists. Griselda then tried to thrash around.

"I need help restraining a patient!" Stormy shouted through the intercom. "Room 84."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Icy's voice replied.

"Sky will be there shortly." Head Nurse Tecna assured her.

"Not soon enough!" Stormy grumbled as Griselda tried to bite her. "You can't go around naked! You need clothes in case visitors come! And don't take it out on me!"

"Oh dear." Sky sighed as he walked in. "Now, Griselda, you need to relax…"

"Don't tell me what to do!" She shrieked as Griffin covered her stuffed dog's ears and eyes.

"That's just wrong." The now-white-haired witch stated.

"Griselda, don't make me spell you!" Stormy warned.

"You can't do that!" the woman shouted.

"Sky, hold her down. On three."

"I'm sorry, Griselda." He winced.

"No!" Griselda moaned.

"One."

"I have rights!"

"In a memory care ward?" Sky asked.

"Two."

"You wouldn't."

"You brought this on yourself, Ma'am. Three!" Stormy released an orb of lavender energy, which enveloped the older woman. Griselda's thrashing ceased, and a happy smile plastered itself on her face. "There. She shouldn't be any more trouble." The witch then turned to Griffin. "Now, Griffy, pick up the puzzle pieces and put them back in their box, please."

"Okay!" Griffin nodded, setting her dog down. "You'll make sure Missy stays inside, right?"

Sky smiled. "Of course we will! Now get to work. I don't know how long that spell will last."

"An hour, at best." Stormy answered his question. "Do a good job, Griffy."

"I will! Just keep my dog in!" the old witch ordered. The two nurses nodded.

"Well, there's never a dull moment around here." Skye said.

"Sometimes I wish there were." Stormy grumbled, pulling a hospital gown out of the dresser. "Now, Griselda, it's time to get you dressed."

"Goody." The fairy said, a trail of drool running down her smiling face.

"Ew." The gray-eyed witch winced.


	2. Dispensing Dilemas

**Dedication:**** To my Papaw, who, after a minor stroke, drove the nurses up a wall by asking to go for walks every five minutes. Thank you for inspiring this fic and fighting so bravely to recover.**

**Disclaimer: The restraining practices used in this chapter are completely fictional and should not be tried on an actual elderly person! **

**The Geriatric Winx Club**

**2. The Dispensing Dilema**

It was a bright, sunny morning at the Restful Valley Elder Care facility, meaning that very few of the residents were happy. They also weren't happy because it was time for their medication to be given out.

"Miss Ophelia, you need to take your pills." Darcy said in a bored tone. The old fairy she spoke to shook her head defiantly. "Come on, now, don't make me cram them down your throat."

"Young lady, I was a nurse for fifty years! I know what I do and do not need to take, and I certainly do not need those pills!" Ophelia exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger at the brunette witch.

"These are for your arthritis and blood pressure." Darcy said. "It's not like I'm giving you a hallucinogen."

"May as well be!" The elder fairy huffed. "I don't need any pills!"

"Me either!" Eltrudite spoke up. "They taste yucky!"

"But they make the aches go away." DuFor protested.

"I'm still not taking them." Eltrudite shouted.

"Neither am I!" Ophelia exclaimed.

"Both of you sit down and take your damn pills before I…"

"Any problems here, Darcy?" Tecna, the head nurse, asked as she walked by. Darcy froze in mid-threat, before smiling and grinding her teeth.

"No, ma'am."

"Good." The magenta-haired fairy nodded. "Now, you ladies all behave for Darcy."

"Of course, Tecna." DuFor smiled sweetly.

"Speak for yourself! I still won't take the pills!" Eltrudite bellowed.

"Madam, you need to take your medication." Tecna said sternly. "And Ophelia, don't you even start trying to pull rank again! You retired decades ago!"

"I still know what's best for my body!"

"Okay, that's enough." Darcy growled. "Paralyticum totalum temporarus!" Ophelia instantly became perfectly still. Seizing the opportunity, Darcy opened her mouth and placed the pills on her tongue before sealing the older woman's maw once more. "Reversitum!" She called out, and the paralysis vanished as quickly as it onset.

"Darcy…" Tecna frowned.

"What? She took her pills. We don't have to hold her down to do it. Everyone wins." The hazel-eyed witch growled as Ophelia sputtered and coughed, having swallowed the pills as soon as the spell was reversed.

"That's not how we are supposed to deal with difficult patients." The magenta-haired woman glared.

"No, but it's what works, so I use it." The brunette stated. "Now, is anyone else going to protest?" She asked, holding the tray of med cups out with one hand and placing the other hand on her hip.

"Charge!" A male voice rang out as a blur in a wheelchair zoomed by, knocking over the meds. Dufor put her hands up to her mouth in wide-eyed shock, while Eltrudite gave a cry of celebration. Darcy shot the old witch a glare.

"Just because they hit the floor doesn't mean you get out of taking them, you old bat!"

"All available staff to the sitting room!" Tecna shouted into the com link. "Saladin's jousting with his chair again!"

"Do we have to?" A feminine groan floated over the communicator.

"Afraid so." Tecna stated as an aging wizard walked up to her. "Mr. Darkar, what is it now?"

"Do you have any snacks?" He asked hopefully. She sighed.

"No, Darkar, I don't. Why don't you go ask the cook?"

"Because he can't, and I have no money for the vending machine." He pouted. "Please?"

"Why don't you go ask Mr. Riven or Ms. Mirta?" Tecna offered. "I bet one of them might have some."

He smiled brightly. "Thank you!" He exclaimed before shuffling off to find one of the people mentioned.

"Um, Tecna?" A timid male voice asked. She sighed.

"What is it, Brandon?"

"Cordatorta's trying to fence with his cane again. I think that may be what set Saladin off." The man replied.

"Get him calmed down." She replied. "I'll go try to re-capture Saladin."

The magenta-haired fairy set off in the direction she last heard the old wizard go. She didn't have far to go, as she soon spotted the nearly-hairless wizard trying to beat the cook up with his cane.

"You dastardly knave! Trying to poison the lot of us!" Saladin exclaimed as the cook tried to shield himself with a plastic serving tray.

"Get away from me, you old kook!" Valtor shouted back.

"You won't get away with it!"

"Saladin!" Tecna shouted, gaining the men's attention mid-fight. "What in blazes are you doing?"

"He's trying to kill us with poisons!" The old man protested, waving a cane at Valtor's head.

A groan escaped the technology-fairy's lips as she searched her brain for the best way to handle the situation. Although Valtor's inability to cook anything more complicated than canned soup or grilled cheese was a well-known fact, she had to convince the aged wizard in the wheelchair that he wasn't intentionally trying to kill the residents. "Saladin, I know that Valtor can't cook, and I understand why that upsets you, but he is not trying to kill us."

"Give me SOME credit!" Valtor huffed, but refused to drop his plastic shield. "I don't do it on purpose, you know!"

"I don't believe it!" Saladin bellowed. "He's trying to kill us, I tell you!"

"I am not!" Valtor protested.

"Saladin, stand down before I force you to!" Tecna glared.

"I will not! I've been fighting longer than you've been alive, girl, and I tell you he's trying to kill us!" The old man shouted. Groaning, Tecna realized that she had but one option left: Magic.

"I'm sorry, but you leave me no choice." She stated, summoning her magic. "Digital Web!" A network of bright green energy enveloped the wheelchair-bound man, keeping him from trying to further threaten the cook.

"Let me go!"

"Not until you're safely back in your wing." The head nurse stated as Sky entered the area.

"Come on, Saladin, let's get you back to your room…" the blond man stated.

"He's trying to kill us all! You'll see! You'll see I'm right!" Saladin shouted as Sky rolled him out of the cafeteria.

"Finally!" Valtor released a relieved sigh at the old wizard's departure. "I thought I was about to be beaten to a pulp. Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Tecna replied. "It's my job. No matter how exasperating it may be, I still have to do it."


End file.
